got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
