My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize