You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize