Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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