dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
