some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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