I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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