I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
