When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize