He uses pillows to masturbate.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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