you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
