sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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