I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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