I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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