i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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