if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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