So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
