Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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