dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
