I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
