We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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