I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
