I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
