I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
