Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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