Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
