Don't make out with my wife yet
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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