If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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