Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
