I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
