Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
