how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
