mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I've blown a few things in my day
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
