she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Actions speak louder than pants.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
