i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
