Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
they need to just BURY HIM!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
