just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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