he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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