PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
