I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
