I can't breathe out the right side of my face
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
