worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
