He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
