It's a beautiful day for a hangover
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
