I just made out with a guy for $7.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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