DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
