Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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