nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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