I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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