Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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