If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
