ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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