my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
