we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
