youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize