Screwed.edu
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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