I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
