He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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