This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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