At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
