oh god the rape fog is back!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
