wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
