Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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