there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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