I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize