I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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