She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
