I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
