So drunk its hurt
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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