I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
