Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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