You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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