Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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