I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
