she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
