WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
