There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
