We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
