Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
where are my eyebrows?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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