My first STD was from a foam party
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
