...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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